Day 48 & 49: Heavy Heart

Day 48: Yesterday was very hard for me…this is also the reason I felt like I couldn’t think straight enough to write about it. As an act of kindness yesterday, I visited my ex-coworker that I mentioned in my last post. I was aware of her current condition, but I don’t think I was prepared to face her in her current state. The friend I once knew had dwindled down to a fraction of her previous size and looked very sick. She tried to keep her spirits up while we were there, but there were so many moments where she had to pause and control the tears that were fighting to come out. There wasn’t much I could so to hold back my tears as well…but I knew I had to try being strong for her.

I said an extra prayer for her that night and for those who are fighting cancer. I do hope for her recovery…and I hope that she feels as comfortable as possible while she continues to fight.

Day 49: Random fact about me: I easily phase people out. Not that I do it with bad intentions, but when I feel like I do not trust someone or do not feel like the friendship is being reciprocated, I tend to just “move on.” I think it may be a self preservation thing – there were many times where I’ve felt taken advantage of or felt like my friendship wasn’t valued and since I can be a very sensitive person, I think the phasing out helps in protecting my feelings.

Today, a very old friend texted me out of the blue. He wasn’t just an old friend, he was someone I considered to be the older brother I never had. He lived a couple doors down from me in Jr. High and High School and he was also my escort for my cotillion. I chose him because I thought he’d always be in my life…because I didn’t want to look back at the pictures years later and think, “whatever happened to that guy?”

Well, 11+ years later and I wonder exactly that! I occasionally see his parents since they still run in the same group of friends and my mother, but I rarely see him.

Now, in my usual “self-preservation” way, I probably would have responded to his text with a snide comment about how long it’s been and/or why was he texting me after not hearing from him for so long…but I thought against it this time. I welcomed the random greeting with openness and just let the conversation unravel.

Maybe it was my heavy heart from the night before. Maybe the idea that life is too short was still fresh in my mind. I don’t know what prompted such a different reaction from me, but it happened…and I’m happy it turned out differently. Because the truth of the matter is, I’ve missed my old friend, and whether or not we want to be in each others lives, I should always treat him as a friend and be courteous…if only out of respect of the friendship we had in the past.

Have you said hi to an old friend recently? Maybe it’s time!

Until tomorrow…


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